When I was in my teens I wondered if I would ever get a boyfriend. All my friends seemed to be more experienced in that area and I was kind of on the outskirts. Then when I was a sophomore in high school we moved to a more culturally balanced (read: more Black folks) area and I never wondered about having a boyfriend again.
When I was in my twenties I wondered if I would get married. To think about it now it seems ridiculous to be concerned with such a thing in your twenties. I wasn’t ready to get married. But I did. Twice. Once when I was twenty-six and then again when I was twenty-eight.
When I was in my thirties I wondered if I would ever get out of debt. I worried constantly about money and I wondered if I would ever build a life for myself and my children that we could be proud of. My financial situation completely turned around and I bought my first home when I turned 38.
I’m in my forties now and I wonder about the second half of my life. In the first half I was primarily concerned with men and money. Relationships and finances. While these areas aren’t necessarily on auto-pilot, my mind is not constantly consumed with getting a man or paying the mortgage.
I did not make many plans during the first half of my life. I lived day-to-day and I allowed the chips to fall wherever they would. I lived in reactive mode. Stuff happened and I reacted to it. I’ve always been a survivor. It’s one of my better skills.
I’m planning for the second half. I want to live in proactive mode. Realistically, I could live for another 45 years and if I plan carefully, it could be so sweet. The plan is to not just survive but to live. I don’t want work in this office building until the day I keel over. It’s a good job and I’m going to use it to finance my next career: business ownership.
I’ve always been a “quick-fast-and-in-a-hurry” kind of gal. I have to suppress those tendencies if I want this to work. I have to invoke the patience that I so often preach about. If it were up to me I’d be turning the key on my business tomorrow. But I want to take my time and do this right. I want to build something that I can be proud of. I want to live the second half of my life in peace. Out of the rat race and away from the office politics.
I’m so looking forward to the second half.
**Dee In SanDiego – I have yet to receive your info so I can send the book.**
Showing posts with label living. Show all posts
Showing posts with label living. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Missing Mojo
A friend of mine sent me an email about a writing contest and wanted to know if I had any interest in participating. Sadly, I did not.
I wonder what happened to me. Nine years ago I had a story to tell and over the course of several years I told it. During that period of my life I was going through a divorce and I desperately needed my characters to get me through each day. I had a great time. Those ladies, Daphne, Angela and Kya, were the best thing that ever happened to me.
Time goes on and life continues. So many things have happened through the years and I have allowed my writing time to dwindle. In fact, it’s probably limited to my restaurant reviews and this blog.
I still enjoy writing but I don’t feel like I have another story in me. I am a one hit wonder. And the term “hit” is relative. In my mind it was certainly a hit.
I know that my priorities were much different nine years ago. I was strictly in survival mode. Now, I’m in living mode. I want to participate in anything that will enhance my living. I remember a time when I couldn’t see beyond my children’s graduations. I figured that at that point I was done and I could quietly go away. I know how that sounds and I’m happy to say that I now know that there is too much living to do to quietly go anywhere. My life is a gift and if I choose to never write another word I am so blessed that I had the opportunity to write the ones that I did.
Don’t let this day pass you by without doing something that really matters.
I wonder what happened to me. Nine years ago I had a story to tell and over the course of several years I told it. During that period of my life I was going through a divorce and I desperately needed my characters to get me through each day. I had a great time. Those ladies, Daphne, Angela and Kya, were the best thing that ever happened to me.
Time goes on and life continues. So many things have happened through the years and I have allowed my writing time to dwindle. In fact, it’s probably limited to my restaurant reviews and this blog.
I still enjoy writing but I don’t feel like I have another story in me. I am a one hit wonder. And the term “hit” is relative. In my mind it was certainly a hit.
I know that my priorities were much different nine years ago. I was strictly in survival mode. Now, I’m in living mode. I want to participate in anything that will enhance my living. I remember a time when I couldn’t see beyond my children’s graduations. I figured that at that point I was done and I could quietly go away. I know how that sounds and I’m happy to say that I now know that there is too much living to do to quietly go anywhere. My life is a gift and if I choose to never write another word I am so blessed that I had the opportunity to write the ones that I did.
Don’t let this day pass you by without doing something that really matters.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
The Mornings
The alarm went off at 5:30 a.m. like it always does. I hit snooze twice like I always do. I don't know why morning seems to come sooner than it used to. We had dinner with friends last night and I got home close to 10:00 p.m. My son walked in right after me and he asked if I had a chance to watch Sunday's episode of Family Guy yet. I hadn't. He asked if I would watch it with him and I just couldn't. I needed to go to bed. Now I feel bad that I didn't take the 22 minutes to share a laugh with my son.
Once I dragged myself out of bed at 5:45 I grabbed that hula hoop and began to do my thing. It wasn't too bad and I was even able to keep the thing on my hips. No tricks, ladies. No tricks. I've changed my gym routine to include more strength training. I lift weights for about 30 minutes and then I do cardio for 40 minutes. I'm beginning to see definition in my arms and the jeans that cut off my circulation six months ago, now fit perfectly. I'm happy for the small successess. I have no idea what I weigh because I haven't been on a scale since February 28. It's probably best that way
After my shower I went downstairs and put two eggs on to boil. My kids hate hard boiled eggs cause they say that they smell like farts. Whatever. Anyway, I got dressed, woke up the Princess, finished my hair and makeup while listening to the TJMS. I decided not to pack my gym bag because its date night and I won't have time to get in a workout before we meet for dinner. I think once my daughter gets out of school I'll start going to the gym in the morning before work.
I packed my lunch bag with two bottles of water, yogurt, protein shake, Heal.thy Choice Asain pot stickers, banana, salad and dressing. Does that sound like a lot? Trust me, it's not.
At 7:00 the Princess floated down the stairs and we headed out the door. She's a little peeved at me because I haven't been around to take the phone call from the mother of one of her friends. The girls are planning to go to some concert and the mama wants to touch base with me to give me the details. I told the Princess just to give the lady my cell number ... geez.
I walked into my office at 7:30 and felt like I had already put in a half day of work. My mornings are full. Whether it be with activities or thoughts or plans. Every one of those 120 minutes is filled. That's not a complaint, just an observation. I'm glad I have someplace to go everyday. I'm glad someone is depending on me. I'm glad I have the life that I do.
How was your morning?
Once I dragged myself out of bed at 5:45 I grabbed that hula hoop and began to do my thing. It wasn't too bad and I was even able to keep the thing on my hips. No tricks, ladies. No tricks. I've changed my gym routine to include more strength training. I lift weights for about 30 minutes and then I do cardio for 40 minutes. I'm beginning to see definition in my arms and the jeans that cut off my circulation six months ago, now fit perfectly. I'm happy for the small successess. I have no idea what I weigh because I haven't been on a scale since February 28. It's probably best that way
After my shower I went downstairs and put two eggs on to boil. My kids hate hard boiled eggs cause they say that they smell like farts. Whatever. Anyway, I got dressed, woke up the Princess, finished my hair and makeup while listening to the TJMS. I decided not to pack my gym bag because its date night and I won't have time to get in a workout before we meet for dinner. I think once my daughter gets out of school I'll start going to the gym in the morning before work.
I packed my lunch bag with two bottles of water, yogurt, protein shake, Heal.thy Choice Asain pot stickers, banana, salad and dressing. Does that sound like a lot? Trust me, it's not.
At 7:00 the Princess floated down the stairs and we headed out the door. She's a little peeved at me because I haven't been around to take the phone call from the mother of one of her friends. The girls are planning to go to some concert and the mama wants to touch base with me to give me the details. I told the Princess just to give the lady my cell number ... geez.
I walked into my office at 7:30 and felt like I had already put in a half day of work. My mornings are full. Whether it be with activities or thoughts or plans. Every one of those 120 minutes is filled. That's not a complaint, just an observation. I'm glad I have someplace to go everyday. I'm glad someone is depending on me. I'm glad I have the life that I do.
How was your morning?
Friday, January 23, 2009
Take Me Away
You ever just feel like packing it up and moving it out? I feel like that now. I think I feel like this every winter. I want to move where it's warm all the time. I want to wake up and see the ocean. I want to leisurely sit on my deck and plan my day ... or not plan my day. I never want to buy another winter coat. I don't want to answer the phone or send another email. I want my biggest decision of the day to be what wine I'll have with dinner. I want to eat and I want to write about eating. I want my kids to come home for Thanksgiving but I want to travel during Christmas. I don't want to work until I'm dead.
Let's rewrite this thing ...
I am going to move where it's warm all the time. I am going to wake up and see the ocean. I will leisurely sit on my deck and plan my day ...or not plan my day. I will never buy another winter coat. I will not answer the phone or send another email. My biggest decision today will be what wine I'm having with dinner. I eat and I write about eating. My kids come home for Thanksgiving and I'm traveling during Christmas. I will not work until I'm dead.
That's better.
Let's rewrite this thing ...
I am going to move where it's warm all the time. I am going to wake up and see the ocean. I will leisurely sit on my deck and plan my day ...or not plan my day. I will never buy another winter coat. I will not answer the phone or send another email. My biggest decision today will be what wine I'm having with dinner. I eat and I write about eating. My kids come home for Thanksgiving and I'm traveling during Christmas. I will not work until I'm dead.
That's better.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Edge
I've lost my edge. Someone unintentionally reminded me of who I used to be and I realize now that I have lost my edge.
Check out one of my posts from January 2006:
The title of my second book is Confessions of a Beautiful Woman. It will be available on-line soon and before you start rollin’ your eyes and gettin’ all janky let me explain:
Confessions is a compilation of thoughts, essays and poetry that I have written over the last five years. I picked the ones that I really liked and included them in this book. I got the idea from Maya Angelou when Wouldn’t Take Nothing For My Journey Now was released. I am not comparing myself to Dr. Angelou as a writer, but I think my book is just as valid.
These thoughts, essays and poetry expose feelings that I know millions of women share. I know I’m not the only one that has gotten divorced or has a spoiled daughter or loved someone who was emotionally unavailable … I know I ain’t the only one! At the same time, I truly believe that ALL women are beautiful … some of us exhibit some ugly ways (and we need to cut that shit out!) but we are all beautiful. Therefore, these are the confessions of all beautiful women.
I told someone the title and they rolled their eyes at me like I was trying to be conceited or something! Not so! I’m not conceited … I am beautiful but that is beside the point. Hell, we all know that for every beautiful woman that you see there is a man somewhere who is tired of her ass! My point is that the person who rolled their eyes is a beautiful woman who doesn’t believe she is. A woman who can’t embrace her own beauty has a difficult time when others embrace theirs. For some reason the perception is that in order for me to say that I look good, that means that I’m implying that you don’t. Is that crazy?
I’ve never been the kind of woman who has to wait for a compliment. Don’t get it twisted I’m grateful when I get them. But I don’t need anyone to validate me. Now, if I was as dumb as a box of rocks than I should probably just sit my pretty behind down in a corner somewhere and shut the hell up. Thankfully, I’ve still got a brain cell or two left that never fail me. I’m the first one to point out my flaws: my feet are big, I’d like to be a little heavier and after 15 months of breast feeding I could really use a lift, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am a beautiful woman on the inside and the outside.
Embrace your beauty ladies!
Where did that fiesty chick go? Not sure where she went but brace yourselves ... By the way, regarding the last paragraph and how I wish I was heavier ... yeah well, since 1/2006 I've probably added on a good 10 lbs and I no longer need a lift thanks to the good people at VS! And I'm still fine, so don't get it twisted.
Check out one of my posts from January 2006:
The title of my second book is Confessions of a Beautiful Woman. It will be available on-line soon and before you start rollin’ your eyes and gettin’ all janky let me explain:
Confessions is a compilation of thoughts, essays and poetry that I have written over the last five years. I picked the ones that I really liked and included them in this book. I got the idea from Maya Angelou when Wouldn’t Take Nothing For My Journey Now was released. I am not comparing myself to Dr. Angelou as a writer, but I think my book is just as valid.
These thoughts, essays and poetry expose feelings that I know millions of women share. I know I’m not the only one that has gotten divorced or has a spoiled daughter or loved someone who was emotionally unavailable … I know I ain’t the only one! At the same time, I truly believe that ALL women are beautiful … some of us exhibit some ugly ways (and we need to cut that shit out!) but we are all beautiful. Therefore, these are the confessions of all beautiful women.
I told someone the title and they rolled their eyes at me like I was trying to be conceited or something! Not so! I’m not conceited … I am beautiful but that is beside the point. Hell, we all know that for every beautiful woman that you see there is a man somewhere who is tired of her ass! My point is that the person who rolled their eyes is a beautiful woman who doesn’t believe she is. A woman who can’t embrace her own beauty has a difficult time when others embrace theirs. For some reason the perception is that in order for me to say that I look good, that means that I’m implying that you don’t. Is that crazy?
I’ve never been the kind of woman who has to wait for a compliment. Don’t get it twisted I’m grateful when I get them. But I don’t need anyone to validate me. Now, if I was as dumb as a box of rocks than I should probably just sit my pretty behind down in a corner somewhere and shut the hell up. Thankfully, I’ve still got a brain cell or two left that never fail me. I’m the first one to point out my flaws: my feet are big, I’d like to be a little heavier and after 15 months of breast feeding I could really use a lift, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am a beautiful woman on the inside and the outside.
Embrace your beauty ladies!
Where did that fiesty chick go? Not sure where she went but brace yourselves ... By the way, regarding the last paragraph and how I wish I was heavier ... yeah well, since 1/2006 I've probably added on a good 10 lbs and I no longer need a lift thanks to the good people at VS! And I'm still fine, so don't get it twisted.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Not a Care
I mentioned to someone the other day that I would love to wake up in the morning and not have a care in the world. She immediately starts telling me that I need to get educated on how to buy and sell stocks. The stock market is the only way to make the big bucks. Working everyday and putting money into savings was not going to do it for me.
I had to stop her. "I said I wanted to not have a care in the world. I didn't say I wanted to be a millionaire." Now, don't get me wrong I wouldn't mind having a few million in the bank but that's not what I was talking about. She felt the two situations were mutually exclusive.
I beg to differ. I know that I could get by with less and be perfectly happy. I joke alot about selling my house and working in a bookstore. I wouldn't do it obviously because the heirs to the throne are depending on me not to be crazy. But if it were just me (which it will be soon), I'd think long and hard about it. I have finally discovered that as long as I work for someone else I'll never be content with my position within the corporate structure. I've done well over the years but I'm not content. Is that weird? I can shrug my shoulders and admit that it's good enough, but who the hell wants to live like that? Settling for good enough. I preach the dangers of mediocrity to my kids because I know how much it sucks ... now it's time for me to do something about this. Now that I'm well out of survival mode I have to move into living mode. You know what I mean? I've lived the majority of my adult life doing what I had to do in order to survive. Now it's time to live. Really live.
I had to stop her. "I said I wanted to not have a care in the world. I didn't say I wanted to be a millionaire." Now, don't get me wrong I wouldn't mind having a few million in the bank but that's not what I was talking about. She felt the two situations were mutually exclusive.
I beg to differ. I know that I could get by with less and be perfectly happy. I joke alot about selling my house and working in a bookstore. I wouldn't do it obviously because the heirs to the throne are depending on me not to be crazy. But if it were just me (which it will be soon), I'd think long and hard about it. I have finally discovered that as long as I work for someone else I'll never be content with my position within the corporate structure. I've done well over the years but I'm not content. Is that weird? I can shrug my shoulders and admit that it's good enough, but who the hell wants to live like that? Settling for good enough. I preach the dangers of mediocrity to my kids because I know how much it sucks ... now it's time for me to do something about this. Now that I'm well out of survival mode I have to move into living mode. You know what I mean? I've lived the majority of my adult life doing what I had to do in order to survive. Now it's time to live. Really live.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)