Merge

How do you successfully merge your life with someone else’s? Not just the merging of belongings but of habits, lifestyles, etc.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and I know it’s not impossible. Surely, it can be done but when I think about it for too long it just seems like a huge undertaking.

For example:

Me
Morning person
Work a regular 9-5 with weekends free
Raising two teenagers
More laid back when it comes to household chores
Planner

Him
Night person
Self-employed, generally works afternoons, evenings and weekends
Never been married/No children
Rigid when it comes to doing things around the house
Spontaneous

My biggest concern is the fact that he has no idea what it is like to live with teenagers. He may be used to finding things exactly where he left them. Unfortunately, with kids in the house that is not always the case. (i.e., “Didn’t I just buy that box of Wheat Thins?”) I understand that there will be compromises to make but again, this just seems like a huge undertaking. I don’t want anyone to be inconvenienced … least of all my kids. They like how things are and they didn’t ask for their lives to be disrupted. Sometimes I think we’ve lasted almost six years because we don’t live together.

How do people make this work?

Caught Off Guard.

When was the last time you were surprised?

It's been quite a while for me. Until Tuesday. Yes, Tuesday. And we all know what Tuesday is ... let's say it together:

DATE NIGHT!

So, we're at one of our favorite spots and we're just talking. Nothing earth shattering. Nothing too deep. Before I continue, let me say this: in our relationship my guy has always been the emotional one and I have always been the logical one. That's just how it is and we accept it.

During our conversation, somehow we got on the subject of death and he said that he wouldn't be able to function if something happened to me. I said in my most logical voice, "Well, figure it out because I'm gonna die. We're both gonna die. I'm not saying that I wouldn't be affected if something happened to you but I know it's going to happen." Pause. "Have you ever seen that commercial about learning how to do things without cigarettes? I'd have to relearn how to make it through each day without you." Pause. "Tuesdays would be rough ... I don't know ..."

Then it happened.

I broke down in tears and couldn't get control of myself.

WTF?

When I finally pulled myself together he said, "Now you know how I feel all the time. Now you see why I keep talking about getting married."

Then I said, "Fine, let's get married tomorrow."

While we did not get married the next day, I am considering it more seriously. Not because he's gonna die, but because I love him and I should marry him.

Annoyances

I came across this article which lists 8 things that men do to annoy their women.

Here's my take:

1. You don't pick up after yourself at my place: Not an issue. He doesn't treat my place like his place.

2. You ask how much my new haircut or handbag costs: Yeah ... this gets on my last nerve. I work every day and I'm not asking you for any money so why do you care that I spend $75 every six weeks for a facial, or that I bought another pair of shoes, or that I pay a guy to keep my lawn green? Seriously, why do you care?

3. You talk to me as if I'm one of the guys: Unless he's calling the guys "sweetie", "honey", and "baby" ... this is not an issue.

4. You speak of the future vaguely: Not an issue. In fact, this is probably something that annoys him about me!

5. You stop trying: Absolutely not an issue. He tries very hard to keep it fun and satisfying for me. He wanted me to meet him after work for dinner on Tuesday and when I suggested that I go home first to change clothes (I was wearing a suit) he said that I didn't have to worry about that. When I got to his house he had bought two dresses for me to choose from ... they were both beautiful and appropriate ... he never stops trying.

6. You blatantly look at porn: Yeah ... he does. Sometimes I'll watch it with him but most of the time ... not so much. But hey ... what he does in his house is his business ... just don't bring it over to my house.

7. You turn down sex: Um ... no.

8. You ask me out via text: He never has to ask me out. We have an understanding.

So I guess this list must have been aimed toward someone else because there was only one thing that really bugged me. Or I just have it really good.