Bye March!

This has been an incredible March. For several years March has always been a special month for me. I always mark March as the month to (fill in the blank). I don't know why I chose March. Maybe March chose me.

March marks the beginning of Spring.
March is my mother's birthday.
March is the month that I ended my last relationship.
For me, March is the month of lessons and new beginnings. Not January but March. I entered 2012 with high expectations. Big dreams. Huge hopes. It is only the third month of the year and my expectations are already being met in ways that I didn't even expect. I am overwhelmed.

A few years ago in March I learned that I cannot be a vegetarian. Another year I learned that 31 days without alcohol is no big deal.

This March I learned that no matter how good a mother I think I am, I can't stop my kids from disappointing me. Honey, I was ready to give up motherhood for Lent. But God is using these circumstances to teach me patience.

This March I learned that I am stronger than I ever believed I was when I completed my first 8k in less than 53 minutes.

This March I learned that it's never to late to start over when I decided to go back to school.

This March I learned obedience when I enrolled in classes seven months earlier than I had initially planned.

This March I learned that if I take one step, God will take all the other steps.

This has been an incredible March. I'm almost sorry to see it end. But I cannot wait to see what the rest of 2012 has in store. My expectations are high.

Goodbye March!

The Killas

So when I told my manager that I was going back to school and asked him to approve my request for tuition assistance he said:

"Good for you! I'll sign this right now. I'm not sure that a degree will really matter. I mean, look at all you've done."

If you're not careful someone will come in and kill your dream before you can even get it out of your mouth.

Now, I'm sure that he didn't mean anything by what he said. He probably actually believed that he was complimenting me. **eyeroll**

In the meantime, I took my math placement test today and scored 103. I only needed 65.

Oh, it'll matter my friend. It will definitely matter.

Goals and Dreams

I admire people who set clear, concise, specific goals; develop a plan to achieve those goals; implement said plan and experience success.

It’s a beautiful thing.

I think I can count the number of times when I’ve done that successfully on one hand.

Which explains a lot.

I often dream about doing this or that but dreams are not goals. Dreams don’t require any action and goals do.

I had a goal to write and publish a novel. Achieved.
I have a dream to be a successful food writer.

I had a goal to own my own home. Achieved.
I have a dream to own another home on the beach.

I had a goal to get the job that I currently have. Achieved.
I have a dream to own my own business.

I am content and I think the reason for that is because my over arching goal is to enjoy a happy, peaceful life. And I’m not saying that because I lack ambition or the skills to turn my dreams into goals. Eventually, the dreams may evolve into goals. But I’m not pressed. I have everything I need and most of the things that I really want. I know to the Type A, I sound like a total slacker.

Whatever, man.

I’m thinking about buying a hammock.

Dreams: Birds and Spiders

Okay ... so I'm in this house and I open the door to one of the rooms and the floor is covered with live birds. Pigeons I think. I open the door to another room and the ceiling is covered with spiders.

Thoughts?

Spiders

To see a spider in your dream, indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situation. Or perhaps you want to keep your distance and stay away from an alluring and tempting situation. The spider is also symbolic of feminine power or an overbearing mother figure in your life. Alternatively, a spider refers to a powerful force protecting you against your self-destructive behavior. If you kill a spider in your dream, then it symbolizes misfortune and bad luck

Birds

To see birds in your dream, symbolizes your goals, aspirations and hopes. To dream of chirping and/or flying birds, represents joy, harmony, ecstasy, balance, and love. It denotes a sunny outlook in life. You are experiencing spiritual freedom and psychological liberation. It is almost as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

To see deformed or odd birds in your dream indicates that you have a unique outlook and perspective on romance and love. The dream may also represent a lack of understanding in affairs of the heart.

Thought for the Day

I know that no one ever wants to seem ungrateful for the life that they have. I know I don't. But just for a minute allow your mind to wander and picture the life that you've always wanted.

What does it look like?

Do you think it's possible to have that life?





What's stopping you from creating that life?




Well, here's my message for the day: don't let anything stop you from fulfilling your dreams and living the life that you always wanted. You deserve it. I used to be an "instant gratification" type of person. If it didn't happen quickly that meant it wasn't going to happen. I've learned that a delay does not translate into a denial. I can see what's coming ... and it sure looks good to me. Be patient. Don't give up. Know that what you want is already yours.

I Can See Clearly Now ...

Life is funny. Not funny ha-ha, but just funny.

They say that change is good. They say that change means growth and I’m all for growing but I also have to accept that there is a certain amount of pain associated with growth and change.

I see everyday things much differently through my forty-five year old eyes. Things seem much clearer. I used to believe that if I couldn’t figure out how to do something on my own than that meant that I wasn’t supposed to do it. I now realize that it’s important to learn how to increase the size of my team. No (wo)man is an island and I can’t do everything on my own.

November is filled with medical appointments. Filled, I say! Some for me, some for the kids. This happens every year around this time so I should expect to be poked and prodded but I just hate it. The good news is that my iron levels have increased significantly since February. The bad news is that the level is still slightly below what is considered healthy. So we’re trying something new to get it where it needs to be.

I’m tired of fighting with people. Just exhausted. People will tell you things because they think you’re crazy enough to believe anything. But is there really any point in arguing with someone like that? Where is the added value in that conversation? I just finished reading Russell Simmons’ book and my new motto regarding everything is, “Do You! Because I am definitely going to do me!” For real. I have too much to do to worry about foolishness. Way too much to do.

Life is good today. The sun is shining and my daughter is making dinner. Pause for reaction …

Here's something I read today that definitely has me thinking: No business book or business plan can predict the future or fully prepare you to become a successful entrepreneur. There is no such thing as the perfect plan. There is no perfect road or one less traveled. Never jump right into a new business without any thought or planning, but don't spend months or years waiting to execute. You will become a well-rounded entrepreneur when tested under fire. The most important thing you can do is learn from your mistakes--and never make the same mistake twice. (Scott Gerber, www.entrepreneur.com)

Was that for anyone else besides me? Tested under fire, huh? Sounds scary.

I feel like I’ll be blogging less frequently. I’m just not in the mood and most of what I write is being jotted down in the fancy journal that the Original OldGirl blessed me with. My Dream Journal. Journey to a Dream. Everything goes there so I feel like I don’t always have much left to share here. Oh well … you know how that goes.

Have a great rest of the week!

My Dream Job

I went to sleep last night thinking about my dream job.

I woke naturally this morning at 4:45. I can’t remember the last time that happened but I wasn’t going to fight it. I hopped out of bed and did push-ups. I could only do 16 but they were push-ups nonetheless. I remember the days when I couldn’t do 5, so I was quite pleased. I put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, drank a protein shake, ate a slice of whole grain bread with peanut butter and headed to the gym. This morning I worked my chest, back, biceps, triceps and abs and did twenty-five minutes on the treadmill. I did most of the strength training with free weights instead of the machines and as I look down at my hands now, I see that I’m going to need some gloves because I can feel the calluses beginning to form.

After the workout, I went home and showered and got ready for work. I was sitting at my desk by 7:30. Still thinking about my dream job.

No Reservations is a program on the Travel Channel and it features Anthony Bourdain. Anthony is a 28-year veteran of professional kitchens and a very talented writer. He is a smart ass, which is probably why I enjoy him so much. He travels to beautiful places, eats great food and writes about it. That is my dream job. Last night he was in Saudi Arabia and ate camel. He actually liked it. In another episode he went to Egypt and enjoyed pigeon. Apparently, pigeon is a delicacy that Americans have not caught on to yet. He has also gone to Chicago and enjoyed a meal in a car outside of Calumet Fisheries. It’s not all weird, it’s not all fancy, it's certainly not all glamorous but it is all very interesting and quite entertaining. I love it.

Now, it is not my dream to eat a pigeon. It is, however my dream to have someone pay me ridiculous amounts of money to do something that I am currently doing for free and loving it: eating great food and writing about it.

This is the fetus. It will definitely take more than nine months to birth this baby but this is what I’m working on. I created the cover and inside the binder are the fourteen published restaurant and wine reviews that I’ve completed so far. This keeps me motivated. I did the same thing when I was writing Raymond’s Daughters. I created a book cover and just imagined a finished product. Oh yeah, and I worked my butt off until it was completed. I still don’t have a marketing strategy because I suck at that … but I know it will all come together. So for right now, I’m just working on the writing. I think I can handle that.

Zzzzzzzz

The tree is down, the decorations have been put away, the food is gone and the 2008 holiday season is officially over. Thank goodness. This year was not stressful or hectic or negative in any way. I'm just not a fan of the holiday season. I can't explain it. I think my mind gets all twisted up when I think about how commercialized this season is. It is what it is, I mean I spent my fair share of dough in December. Who am I kidding? I spent a couple of people's fair share but it was worth it. On Christmas morning everyone got what they wanted and everyone was happy. My kids let me sleep until 6:00 a.m. which is a first for them ... we're usually up by 4:00 ... I know it's early and you would think that teenagers would be over it ... but not at my house.

While sitting in church yesterday I listened to the pastor talk about dreams and how we have to be careful who we share our dreams with. You know, because not everybody will support you and some people will do all they can to destroy that dream. Then I started thinking about my own dreams and I realized that I do not have any. Not one. Then I tried to think back to pinpoint a period of time when I did have dreams. I must have had dreams. Didn't I ever dream of doing ... or going ... or being

I seem to remember dreaming of being married. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt
I dreamed of being financially stable. Done
I dreamed of seeing my kids graduate high school. One down, one to go
After I wrote my novel I dreamed of having one person that I did not know tell me that it was good. Done

Looking back it seems to me that all I'm doing is setting attainable goals and not dreaming. I'm staying safe and avoiding disappointment by reaching for things that I know are within my reach. I'm content and kind of ... boring. I feel like I'm sleepwalking or on automatic pilot all of the time. I don't necessarily feel like I have to be doing something all of the time. For the most part, my life is very full: full time job, full time man, full time kids, part time freelance writer, part time singer, active in church ... but I still don't have that Big Dream.

I've always been able to "make do". Make do with the hoopty, make do with no cable, make do with last year's winter coat. I believe that since that mentality has been part of my life for the majority of my life it's difficult to believe that I can have more. But I actually can have more. I need to wrap my head around that concept and figure out what "more" is for me.