Year in Review - 2011 Discoveries

I wanted to do a really cool end-of-the-year post, but I’m not really cool. Nor do I have the time to sit and think of something really creative. So, I’m just going to sit here and see what leaves my mind and flows through the fingers.

2011 was a good year. It had its ups and downs but I feel like I learned so much. Here a few of the lessons:

I do quite well on my own - This has been the longest period of time that I have ever been single and I have discovered that being single is not equivalent to a death sentence.

It’s actually okay to be friends with my children - It wasn’t the plan but it’s turned out that way and I have discovered that I live with two of the coolest people on the planet.

I really can’t control everything all the time - Why did I ever want to? Letting go and learning acceptance has given me an awesome amount of peace.

I’m a runner - Who knew? 4-5ks in six months. I love love love it. But I guess you knew that.

Life does go on after devastating loss - After my father’s funeral I couldn’t believe that the sun still came up. I’d see people washing windows or walking their dogs or shopping and I just wanted to scream, “Don’t you know that my father is dead?!” I thought everything should stop, but it didn’t.

I can control my emotions - Thank God. Literally. This was huge for me. All my life I’ve made decisions based on my emotions. Major life decisions. Crazy, I tell you. Not anymore. I’m calm. I’m peaceful. I’m smarter.

I can be content while I’m waiting for the “next thing” - I am content. I am not anxious for anything. I feel very strongly that God is working something out for me and when He is ready to reveal it, I’ll be ready to receive it. But until then … I’m good.

What have you learned in 2011? What are you looking forward to for 2012?

My prayer for you is that you will have peace in all that you do. Merry Christmas!

All's Well That Ends Well

I cannot believe how busy I was last week. It seemed that every moment was filled with some kind of activity. Forget about the increased workload at the 9 to 5, but all the activities that took place after 5 ... it just seemed overwhelming.

On Monday, I forced myself to run a few miles on the treadmill because I missed my normal Sunday long run. On Tuesday I had a life group meeting. On Wednesday, I agreed to have some photos taken for a friend's website. She's starting an earring line and asked me to participate. Which was really flattering because she's 28 and a real model ... and I'm ... well ... I'm no model. On Thursday, I headed back to the treadmill for a few more miles. On Friday I did the grocery shopping. On Saturday I got up at the crack of dawn to run a 5k (best time ever!), came home and put up the Christmas tree with the Princess then she had the bright idea that we should make s'mores. Huh? I don't think I ever made s'mores before ... I had the fire going in the fireplace, so why not? They were okay. Then on Saturday night I had to work the information desk at church.

Which brings us to today ... I got up early and ran 4.5 miles, came home, showered and did the hair and nails, put some country ribs in the crockpot and I've been posted up on the couch ever since.

I was thinking about doing some Christmas shopping today but for real, you couldn't pay me to leave this house. It was a struggle to get off the couch and write this post.

Well, another movie is about to come on, so I'm out. Hope you are enjoying your Sunday as much as I'm enjoying mine.

I Have to Say it Was a Good Day

Admittedly, I was feeling a small amount of anxiety about the holiday. I like my comfort zone. After all, it is pretty comfortable. But stepping out of it was pretty cool too. We had the best time.

I got up early and started the day with a run, came home, showered and started chopping the veggies for the dish I was bringing to dinner. When I was told to show up at 1:00 pm, I kind of gave my hostess the side-eye in my mind. Then after I thought about, if I was having a ton of people at my house I'd want them to arrive early so they could leave early. Smart planning on her part.

We ate, we drank, we laughed and we even did a little karaoke. Yes, it was a good day.

Afterward, me the kids stopped at the red box and picked up some DVDs and camped out in the living room with some sweet potato pie and watched movies until about midnight.

You know, there are moments when I wish that I had a significant other to share holidays or my birthday with. Those moments come and go. I am truly thankful for the time that I spend with good friends and family. Those moments are special and I treasure them.

This was a wonderful Thanksgiving and I'm glad to be able to still refer to it as my favorite holiday.

Hope you're having a great day.

Thanksgiving - Part Deux

The day approaches and it looks like everyone is going to get their way.

We'll be spending the day with my son's girlfriend's family. I'm bringing sweet potato pies and the seafood casserole.

The seafood casserole is my son's favorite and I agreed to make it.

My daughter wants collard greens. She's fearful that collard greens won't be on our host's table alongside the the lumpia and pansit. Even if they were, she has asked for my collard greens.

So, on Friday I am going to make sure my daughter gets her Thanksgiving. I'll make her a hen (or a turkey breast), cornbread and sausage dressing, macaroni and cheese and collard greens.

That kid is so spoiled.

And before you ask, "Who's fault is that?" I'm raising my hand. Besides, you all knew I wanted to cook anyway!

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Bright Side

I've been thinking and the up side to me not having to cook on Thanksgiving is that I won't have a ton of food in my house over the long weekend. Which means I won't overeat, which means I will not gain any unnecessary lbs. Can't beat that.

Always looking for the bright side.

Gifts

I need some ideas for Christmas gifts.

The Prince wants cash.

The Princess wants a car.

And then there's my Mom and siblings ...

I don't think I've ever thought about Christmas this early before.

What is your Christmas shopping plan?

Do We Ever?

Can we ever get to the point where we are 100% satisfied or does 80-20 always rule? Meaning that I will only ever get 80% of the things that I want out of life. 80% is a lot. Is wanting the whole enchilada just being greedy?

I mean there are so many positive things going on right now. I feel fantastic more than 80% of the time. I think I’m probably bordering on 95%. But there is part of me that is still longing, still searching.

What is that about? How do we learn to just be satisfied with all the positive stuff and live our lives? I don’t dwell on the things I don’t have but every now and then they creep in.

Thanksgiving is right around the corner. This was once categorized as my favorite holiday. I would plan for weeks, cook for days and spend the day with my man and my family and just be thankful. This year I’m not even cooking. Well, not a full meal. I’m making a dish and some dessert and spending the day with friends. I appreciate the invitation and I’m sure it’ll be fun but it kinda makes me sad.

Things don’t always turn out how we plan. I understand and accept that. Wishing I had made better choices in my past doesn’t help matters. I know there’s a greater purpose and I have to be patient while it unfolds. All too often I find myself asking, “How much longer, Lord? How much longer?”

Happy MLK, Jr. Day

I have to work today. What about you?

Tuesday's TMI w/Some Other Stuff Thrown In

The weather has me wanting to hibernate. When it gets this cold, I just don’t want to leave the house for anything. It should warm up by this weekend. My office is having their annual holiday party on Friday. I’m actually planning to attend which is completely out of character for me. I think the last office party I went to, I ended up carrying my drunk ex-boyfriend out of the place and sitting up all night with him while he got sick in my bathroom. Good times.

I’m so looking forward to January 2. The holidays will be over. The new year will have begun and I will have successfully made it through 2010. A year which was rife with equal parts joy and sadness. I started out the year on a high note, then things took a nose dive into the abyss, and slowly but surely I was able to climb back to the top.



Feels pretty good. Good bye 2010. Thanks for the memories.

I’m working on my 2011 goals and I’m finding that my goals are not really of a tangible nature. I don’t want to get stuff. I want to be and feel and do. Know what I mean? I don’t really know what I mean but I’ll have it figured out before the end of the year.

I got my hair cut again. You like?


I ‘m finding that hair on my neck is irritating me beyond belief. Right now, I’m just not very fond of hair. That could all change though. I told my stylist that next month I may come in and ask to get all weaved up.

TMI: Who knew that birth control pills had so many uses besides … well, birth control? I began taking them at a pretty young age to lighten my periods and stop the cramps. Then I was taking them for birth control. Then I was taking them for cycle control. Now I’m taking them to reduce the symptoms that accompany (peri) menopause. Oh, the wonders of this tiny little pill.

I still haven’t put up my tree. Probably this weekend. Neither the Prince nor the Princess expressed any desires or wishes when it comes to Christmas gifts. You know what that means, right? Gift cards. Easy-peasy. Me? I want for nothing. Except for someone to come over and replace my downstairs tile. Geez, how many times do I have to put that out there before someone will step up and volunteer?

What about you? Are you ready for the year to be over? Do you have goals for the new year? Is it freezing where you are? Did you know that BCPs were the wonder drug? What do you really think of my hair cut? What do you want for Christmas?

Christmas and Three Questions

What a day.

What did I do when my guests arrived 90 minutes early? I started drinking 90 minutes earlier.

See, I planned the meal so that when they walked in the door at 3:00 p.m. they could enjoy some appetizers for about thirty minutes and then sit down to dinner. Little did I know that they would be ringing the bell at 1:30 p.m. I was about ready to remove the Cornish hens from the oven and start the mushroom dressing but I had to change the strategy and start the spinach dip. While I’m rushing around in the kitchen stirring and chopping and testing and drinking, Bryan is in the living room entertaining his mother and brother and my son is hiding out in his room. It was crazy. Crazy, I tell you.

When it was all said and done, we enjoyed a dinner of roasted Cornish hens, braised mustard greens, mushroom dressing, baked macaroni and cheese, rolls and for dessert we had a sweet potato pie and a chocolate cream pie. It was one of the better meals that I prepared and I really enjoyed the time with family and we had a great time. It’s been a long time since I laughed so hard.

What did I do when my boyfriend of six years gave me a set of J.A. Henckels kitchen knives for Christmas? I smiled and gave him a hug and kiss and told him I loved them. You should have seen his face. He was so proud of those knives. He’s carved enough meat in my kitchen with dull knives and I guess he was really tired of them. I’m still smiling and shaking my head. I baked two loaves of chocolate chip bread (from scratch, Diva!) this morning and I used one of my new knives to slice it perfectly. Combined with the Italian cookbook my sister gave me, I am really inspired to spend more time in the kitchen. Seriously.

What did I do when my daughter came home at 11:00 p.m.? I thanked God. She came into my bedroom and grabbed me and hugged me like she never had before. She said she missed me. I never missed that child so much. Waking up on Christmas morning without her was absolutely heartbreaking. I know I’m going to have to get used to it but the first time was really difficult.

Now I’m just relaxing. Chilling on the loveseat and watching the Neely’s make a New Year’s brunch. Looks good. I really don’t think I’m going to do anything today except eat leftovers, wash my hair and do my nails.

I hope you had a great Christmas and are looking forward to a blessed New Year!

Quickie

Two shopping days left.

Am I wrong for being sad that my daughter wants to spend some of the Christmas holiday (which may include Christmas day) with her father and not me?

Every Christmas for 15 years we've been together and now my heart is kinda hurting.

How Did That Happen?

Three shopping days left.

Yesterday I picked up seven cornish hens from the butcher.

I'm preparing a meal for seven people on the day that I like to watch movies and lay on the couch.

How did that happen?

Christmas Lite

The tree is up and there are three gifts underneath. One for the family, one for Bryan and one for me. All purchased by me. I have my daughter's gift (singular) but it won't go under the tree until Christmas Eve because she's too nosy. My son wants $$ to enhance his tattoo. **sigh**

Christmas sure has changed.

All my Christmas cards have been mailed and I put a package in the mail to my parents yesterday.

I have a few more small things to pick up for my sister, brother-in-law and my two nieces.

Christmas really has changed.

There is less anticpation about the holiday and more feelings of obligation. Ain't that a trip?

I remember when I was a kid we went to bed before the sun went down on Christmas Eve and tossed and turned all night because our stomachs were in knots. It was exciting. Last year, I think my kids were up at 6:00 am. The year before that: 4:00 am. This year? I think they are going to sleep in.

Truth be told, I'm still kinda looking forward to it.

The Day in Pictures

As expected, once I got started it was fun all over again. But I would not have gotten into the kitchen without my Princess helping me. Her own excitement and willingness to help me really encouraged me to do what I already love to do. And she got some lessons to boot!

She did the sweet potato pies.

She assisted with the macaroni and cheese.

She stuffed the mushrooms

She washed the greens.

She helped to make this Thanksgiving one of the happiest. I am so blessed.

at the last minute ...

I thought I was finished shopping but apparently I need more milk (for the pie), more cheese (for the mac and cheese), trash bags (for the mess) and more wine (for me).

I’m at work for another couple of hours and then I’m off to handle my business. Once I finally get into my house I plan to blast the music that my children don’t like, do some cleaning and start the cooking. I always make the desserts and start the greens on Wednesday and everything else gets done on Thursday. I’m still not thrilled but I am looking forward to creating the smell of the holiday.

My ex-husband is due to come and pick up his car from in front of my house today. My son and I were able to pick out something nice for him to drive and he gets to experience the joy of having a car payment. Let’s see how this works out. My ex has informed my son that he wants to help him with the cost of the car … he says a lot of things, so we’ll see. I shouldn’t be like that but I can’t help myself.

Bryan and I went to dinner last night and he mentioned that it had been a while since we had been to a “nice” place. He was right. The last few places were dives. He said I deserved to go to nice places. I think he was reminding himself of that because I already knew it. He’s slipping.

I had a really weird dream last night. I don’t remember the story just snippets: raccoons, my car being stolen, big houses filled with old people and people from the past, lost cell phones … I don’t know what that was about but I was glad when I woke up.

I have no intention of being in the stores on Friday. I totally plan to be on the treadmill. My butt, waistline and wallet will thank me.

Turkey Day Blues

Thanksgiving has always been my most favorite holiday. Better than Christmas, better than my birthday (cause that’s a holiday, too), better than any of them. I always look forward to planning my menu and cooking like I have never cooked before. Even though my group is small I still go all out because it is MY holiday. I have very fond memories of Thanksgiving when I was growing up. What I remember most is the smell of Thanksgiving. I love how my home smelled on Thanksgiving and every year I recreate that smell in my own home for my family.

This year … not so much. I’m not feeling it. I’m not into it. I’m sad and I’m having a difficult time shaking this sadness. I cry out to God for answers and he replies, “My grace is sufficient”. Okay. Moving on.

Last week the kids were talking about Thanksgiving and I heard my son say, “I can’t wait until Thursday!” Oh brother. I already told Bryan that I wasn’t feeling it and he assumed that meant that I wouldn’t be cooking and maybe we’d be going out. Not so my friend, not so. For years I have drilled the importance of Thanksgiving traditions into the skulls of my children and now they are holding me to it. So early on Saturday I got up and began to plan my menu and create a shopping list. My daughter saw the list and said, “What about the sweet potato pie?” I said, “I’m not making a pie. I bought a pie from some lady at work who was doing a fundraiser.” She looked at me like I just landed from another planet. “You have to make a sweet potato pie, Mom! It’s Thanksgiving!” Okay, so I’m making a pie. “What about the ham?” she asked. “A turkey breast is enough,” I answered. “Mom, it’s Thanksgiving … you have to make a ham!” You see where this is going, right?

So, on Thanksgiving … my most favorite of holidays, I will be preparing:

Stuffed mushrooms as an appetizer
Roasted turkey breast
Glazed ham
Cornbread dressing with sausage and mushrooms
Seafood casserole with shrimp and lump crabmeat
Fresh collard greens with smoked neckbones
3-cheese macaroni and cheese
Crescent rolls
Apple pie
Sweet potato pie
Red wine – meritage and probably a pinot noir

The shopping is complete and I’m praying that once I start soaking my greens and boiling the sweet potatoes I’ll be in a better mood.

Exhaling

My parents' gifts have been shipped.

All the holiday cards have been mailed.

All the presents have been wrapped.

I have never finished this early before and it feels so good not to have to participate in the last minute hustle and bustle. There was no line to get stamps this morning. No line at the UPS Store. I still have to go to Total Wine to pick up a couple of bottles as gifts and I also have to select a gift for Secret Santa at my job ... which is not going to be easy because I've only been working there for a month. I don't know anything about my person or what they might want.

No matter. I'm still way ahead of the game.

The Days to Come

I'm still fat but I'm getting over it.

I had a small salad for lunch and a big salad for dinner ... with a side of hot wings. Geez, I have never been a person without self control where food is concerned. This must be payback for all the years of complaining about not being able to gain weight.

Anyway ...

Thanksgiving is over and now I have to spend the next 23 days watching commercials about Christmas, deleting spam about Christmas and watching Christmas specials. Since my kids are older this is my least favorite time of the year. It used to be fun but the commercialization of the holiday seems so much more apparent. I hate it.

I have ten people to buy for this year and five of them are between the ages of 14 and 21. That is going to be the most challenging. It's almost impossible to buy for young people. My daughter only wants clothes, which I cannot buy unless she is present. My son wants me to pay for his second tattoo. Oh joy!

I'm already looking beyond December and concentrating on the new year. I will not make any resolutions but there are a few things that I want to concentrate on: more reading and less television. I think at some point I made a vow not to buy anymore books until I've read all of my current ones. I may have one or two to go ... one is a 600-pager (or more) by Ke.n Foll.ett. I received it as a gift a few years ago and never started it; more cooking at home and less eating out. My budget can't stand how much I eat out and with the weather turning colder, who wants to go out anyway? And speaking of budgeting, I've got to discipline myself to stick to a budget. I have more "miscellaneous expenses" than the law should allow.

I'm looking forward to 2009. I'm going to be 45 in 2009. I remember when I turned 25 I was so depressed because I had determined at that point I would never be "young" again. Just a few short years away from 30 and then it's all down hill. Well, my perspective has definitely changed. I'm not that kind of young, but I'm still young. These are good years and I feel some major changes about to take place.

The Aftermath

I'm fat.

Heavy and fat.

I'm eating salads all this week. Well, except for maybe date night ... we're staying in and I'll prepare striped sea bass.

But besides that ... salads damn it!

The Logistics of Thanksgiving

For me, the secret to a successful Thanksgiving dinner is knowing when to make what. This year's menu is not that big so it shouldn't be too difficult. However, three extra people did get added to the guest list at the last minute ... good thing I always cook too much.

I'm planning to serve at 3:00, so if I get started at around 11:30 I should be okay ...

Each of the following items has to go into the oven for the listed amount of time:

Turkey breast - 2 hours 10 mins
Quarter spiral glazed ham - 1 hour
Seafood casserole - 4o mins
Dressing - 30 mins
Macaroni & cheese - 40 mins
Cake - 35 mins
Dinner rolls - 12 minutes

I'm going to start the collards tonight and just let them simmer until I'm ready to turn them off. I'll probably make the cake last because once it's done it has to be stored in the refrigerator and right now the refrigerator is full.

None of the above listed times include preparation ... chopping vegetables and cleaning the shrimp for the casserole, cooking the sausage for the dressing, making the sauce for the macaroni and cheese ... this is a labor intensive dinner.

And I love every minute of it.